i exist only as a sequence of numbers in a computer at various banks and financial institutions. other than that, i'm just a mass of blood, muscle, bones and garbage existing but not living. the harder i struggle to understand some sort of reasoning behind the world i live in the more clear it becomes that emotion isn't a factor in the bottom line of every day. you can just simply stop living and everything else continues. if you are hurt, everything else continues. nothing stops and nothing waits for you. to assume otherwise, or to expect help, or even worse, to ask for help, is weakness. it's foolish.

not a day goes by recently where i realize that i've had the wrong mindset for the past 26 years and the only way to exist in the next 26 is to show no mercy and no empathy for anyone or anything around me.

to try and play nice in this world is just that, it's play. i'm done playing.